I was coerced into seeing Les Misérables with a group of friends, on Valentines day no less. I could think of a million things I’d rather be doing but I went anyway. I have never seen the stage play, read the book or even heard any of the songs so I thought I’d at least give it a chance. It’s been getting mixed reviews but you never know, I do like a good musical after all.
I hated it. I hated nearly every single insufferable, pretentious second of this steaming pile of musical crap. I can only remember one barely mediocre song, and the only good thing about that song was Russell Crowe (don’t worry, I’ll mention Ol’ Russ again) The rest of the songs were either too long, too boring or both.
The cast should have been good. Oh dear, poor Hugh Jackman tries, as does Anne Hathaway. But the use of EXTREME closeups by Tom Hooper makes you want to punch Jackman in his stupid Australian face. And that’s no small feat, I love Hugh Jackman! He’s Wolverine! But this film makes me hate him and everyone involved. How in the hell can one man make you hate Anne Hathaway AND Hugh Jackman’s faces?! Clap. Clap. Clap. Tom Hooper managed to do it.
Oh and don’t even get me started on Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter. I sighed when they popped up, but then I smiled. Their song “Master of the House” actually started quite enjoyably. Then I stopped smiling. “Ok stop now” I whispered. But it carried on. “Seriously”. But it still went on. And my god it only got worse. Then he broke the fourth wall. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE REST OF THE FILM SERIOUSLY WHEN I’M STUCK WITH THESE TWO DETESTABLE CHARACTERS!!!!!!
Now the only character who I loved in this movie (everyone else drifts between diabolic and meh) is Javert. Russell Crowe is hilarious in this film. His death is one the funniest things I’ve seen in the cinema in years. Go see the movie for him. My favourite moment is the “Prisoner 24601” scene below. It’s just a shame that that particular scene happens under 5 minutes into the movie
The directing in this movie ranges from awful and absurd. The “battle” scene is shot woefully fast and all over the place. It’s so badly shot that I yearned for the action scenes from Transformers 2. THAT’S how bad it is. I preferred the battle scenes in Revenge of the Fallen to this pile of dogshit. In the non-action scenes (the other 3 hours of the movie) the characters are either to one side of the shot or at a slanted angle. THIS ISN’T BATTLEFIELD EARTH MR. HOOPER!
DON’T SEE IT! To me, this movie is like the Twilight series. The people in charge know they can make any shitty movie they want because they know armies of fans will see it anyway. Ok, so an extreme comparison, but this move warrants it. IT IS BAD. Go watch Django Unchained instead, remember what excellent movies are like. Forget this cinematic vomit.